Mommy's Letter to William Ethan Morgan

My dear sweet baby Will,

I loved you before you were even conceived.  I will never forget the moment I knew you were growing in my belly.  I was singing and dancing and could not wait to share the news.  I thanked God for you every day and focused on loving every moment that we had to share.  My heart grew over the past 10 months to allow me to experience a love that I never knew possible.  Each day my love for God grew because of the miracle he allowed us to share.  I had more love for your father who cared for the two of us with more dedication and concern than I had ever seen.  I had more love for you who brought more joy into my life than I ever knew possible.  Yes the past 10 months have been the best 10 months of my life.

I know that you are with God today.  I may not understand his plan but I do know that if he needed someone full of love he choose the right boy to help him.  Your daddy and I love you so dearly but that is just the beginning.  You have grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, and even perfect strangers who have been moved by your journey.  You, my sweet precious William, have in your short little life been loved more than many who have very long lives.  You have inspired so many of us to be better people and to make the most of the lives and our physical health that we sometimes take for granted.   We are so very proud of you.

I am your mommy and you are my son - the son that I prayed for and loved while you were here on earth.  I know that I will long to have you in my arms until the day I see you in heaven.  Until then, I must accept that you are with God in a much better place.   As hard as we tried to keep you to ourselves it looks like God too knew that you were an amazing person even before you were born.

Daddy and I will always love you.  

Hugs and Kisses,

Mommy

Monday, July 28, 2008

7 pounds 9 ounces and 4/5ths

Baby Will scored another perfect 10 at today's Dr.'s appointment. His amniotic fluid was down to 23 (22 is normal). It looks like our baby is making more progress. He weighed in at a whopping 7 pounds and 9 ounces. This is just an estimate but I can confidently say that our son is definitely growing. Fortunately for me, I am not growing too much. As the fluid goes down and he gains weight I seem to stay about the same. In fact, I think I may be a little smaller.

Matt and I tried once again to talk the Dr.'s into giving us an estimate on baby Will's arrival date. The OB took a moment to feel the exact placement of baby Will's head and told me that he is 4/5th of the way through the birth canal. That got my attention. He went on to explain that Will could come today or it could be a few more weeks. In other words, we are no closer to knowing when he is coming than before but I can confirm that he has dropped.

Matt and I are both trying to tie up loose ends at work in anticipation that little Will could arrive any time now. I am probably 90% ready for my leave which is probably as good as I could expect. It seems that every day I remember something that I should take care of before I go out on maternity leave.

To be honest with you all, it is getting pretty scary. I wish I could keep my beautiful son in my belly forever. Knowing that he is warm, safe and close to me is such a reassuring feeling. The moment I deliver he is going to have such an unfair battle ahead. I know that the only way for him to get better is for me to let him go but I am not ready to do that. I just cannot even imagine what it will be like to not feel him kicking all day long (and I mean all day long!).

Hopefully Matt will add some photos here but just in case - his cheeks are still chubby and his nose is still perfect - my personal favorite body part right now are his perfectly shaped little lips. I fall more and more in love with him each and every day. I am so blessed to have this little miracle growing in my tummy. I love being pregnant, even in the heat of the summer. So far I have had a very comfortable pregnancy. Physically I feel great!

I could never mention it often enough or come up with the right words that truly express our thankfulness - Your support is the most important element of this journey. Your thoughtful notes, cards, emails, comments, and phone calls are priceless. Your prayers are unending. We never feel alone in this battle and we know that we could not do this with the strength and confidence that Will deserves without your unending love and support.

3 comments:

Owain's mommy said...

Heather

I know how you are feeling having a baby with CDH is terrifying. Not knowing the outcome can be really scary. When I was pregnant with my little man Owain (he was born with LCDH six months ago) I wanted to be pregnant forever.

One thing I can tell you before your CDH roller coaster ride begins. Is that babies born with CDH are extremely strong.They make look little and helpless but they are born to fight. Just know that you and Matt are not alone. I will be praying for all three of you and hopefully your CDH roller coaster ride won't be to long and baby William will prove himself to be a true warrior and beat CDH.

Stay strong

Amber

P.S you can always email me if you would like someone to speak to that has been there. My email is Owainsmommy@gmail.com

Dotty said...

From one CDH mom to another i wish you nothing but the best. im so glad you have the great support group and i pray things continue to go great. Baby William is such a fighter already. pray and stay as positive as you can. i want to commend you already for making it so far in your pregnancy, Zach stopped swallowing my amnio fluid and i went into preterm labor at 33 weeks, you are so much further along and that will help him a great deal. Zach was born with LCDH on oct. 26, 2007. we have definatly had our share of roller coaster rides but from what i have seen Zach's case doesnt seem to be the "normal" if you havent already feel free to check out our carepage, maybe it will help you, give you hope, or even a good laugh every now and again...i try to use humor when i can:) breathe when you can and hang in there. www.carepages.com his carepage name is zacharydavis no spaces
blessings to you and baby William....many thoughts
Dotty

Megan Larson said...

Heather,

Thank you for leaving a nice comment on our Care Page, JohnMichaelLarson, who is LCDH. We certainly do have a lot in common!

My husband and I will soon celebrate our 6th year wedding anniversary. John will be our first child. I will be flying out of state for the birth. We found out at 28 weeks. I'm not blonde like you but I have blonde highlights! I'm only 30 weeks along but still...

I too am wishing he could just stay in me for a long time. I don't care how big I got as long as he was okay. If he came out ready to go to kindergarten that would be fine by me. The womb is the best ECMO machine God ever created. Sometimes I think, can't they just deliver him in his amniotic bubble by C-section and not cut the cord, just put him in a bed with wheels and we can still go everywhere together? Maybe in 100 years, huh....

Feel free to email me anytime. meganiklarson@hotmail.com. I will be watching your blogspot and Breath of Hope. The big day should be here soon for you. I am praying so hard for your family, Heather...God Bless.
-Megan Larson