Mommy's Letter to William Ethan Morgan

My dear sweet baby Will,

I loved you before you were even conceived.  I will never forget the moment I knew you were growing in my belly.  I was singing and dancing and could not wait to share the news.  I thanked God for you every day and focused on loving every moment that we had to share.  My heart grew over the past 10 months to allow me to experience a love that I never knew possible.  Each day my love for God grew because of the miracle he allowed us to share.  I had more love for your father who cared for the two of us with more dedication and concern than I had ever seen.  I had more love for you who brought more joy into my life than I ever knew possible.  Yes the past 10 months have been the best 10 months of my life.

I know that you are with God today.  I may not understand his plan but I do know that if he needed someone full of love he choose the right boy to help him.  Your daddy and I love you so dearly but that is just the beginning.  You have grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, and even perfect strangers who have been moved by your journey.  You, my sweet precious William, have in your short little life been loved more than many who have very long lives.  You have inspired so many of us to be better people and to make the most of the lives and our physical health that we sometimes take for granted.   We are so very proud of you.

I am your mommy and you are my son - the son that I prayed for and loved while you were here on earth.  I know that I will long to have you in my arms until the day I see you in heaven.  Until then, I must accept that you are with God in a much better place.   As hard as we tried to keep you to ourselves it looks like God too knew that you were an amazing person even before you were born.

Daddy and I will always love you.  

Hugs and Kisses,


Monday, November 17, 2008

A final thank you!

It has been a long time since I have posted.  Matt and I want everyone to know that we appreciate your prayers and support.  This did not turn out the way we had imagined.  We thought we would be in the NICU beside William's bed this Thanksgiving.  Instead we are still trying to comprehend how to move on without having Will here with us each day.  We long to hold him in our arms and watch him grow and become a healthy child.  In spit of all of these emotions we have found peace.  I know that sounds unbelievable but God has wrapped us in His grace and fills us with a little more joy each day.  

Normal is no longer part of our existence.  We have no desire for normal now because life without our son cannot be normal.  We are OK not being normal - in fact I guess we never really were normal in the first place.  The hardest part is looking at photos of our summer and trying to comprehend that it all came to an end so quickly.  The long battle that we were preparing to enter ended before we were ready.  I guess there is really no way to be ready but we sure spent a lot of energy preparing.

We are not planning to keep up the Blog although we will be adding a final entry once we have Will's monument in place.  Then we will create a final entry that will include all of our photos and possibly even some video.  I do not want to spoil the surprise but we have a ton of photos and video for our little guy's one day of life.  He was such an inspiration to so many we feel it is only appropriate to share more with all of his fans.

Matt is back at work but I will not return to work until January.  Since I had the opportunity to take off some extra time I took it and feel quite good about the decision.  I am enjoying my time off and looking forward to a fresh start.  I do not think I could stand to stay home full time but knowing that I am going back in January helps me not take this time for granted.

Again, we could never tell you how much we appreciate your thoughts and prayers.  As always we have felt your support and love.  There have been very few moments when we lost sight of the joy Will brought to our lives and even fewer moments that we forgot the gift that he was to our lives.  Each day we have been overwhelmed with the letters and donations of family, friends and strangers.  This has been such a blessing because it is a continuous reminder that Will was with us and that he made a impact on the world.  Without it I think there would be times that it would feel like a dream rather than reality.

I am continuing to get support at church and through Breath of Hope.  We are still in contact with Children's Hospital of Philadelphia and we are confident that soon we will know either how to better treat or prevent this disease all together.  

Thank you all for standing with us during this most difficult time.  Please contact us if there is ever anything we could do in some small way to provide support to your family.


Elizabeth said...

I love your letter to your sweet Will. And you both are not alone - I thought for sure that Will would still be with us. I sometimes have more hope than I should so I try to distribute it.

I am amazed with you both - I know there will still be moments - that is okay. Our angels are blessings and love transends all - even death.

With my thoughts & prayers,

PS - I can't wait to see the pictures and video...

Gina said...

Your words are inspirational to everyone. We will always be thinking of Will. I am amazed by your strength, courage, and elegant words to your son. You are in our thoughts and prayers.

Wyatt's Mom

Brad, Kellie, Lucy and Baby Carter said...

Our hearts still ache over your loss. Your letter to Will is beautiful and you both are the best Mom & Dad! We are continuously amazed by your strength.

Keeping you in our prayers,
Brad & Kellie

Kenny and Jennifer Miller said...

What a beautiful post and letter to Will. I'm constantly amazed by your strength. I can't begin to imagine the great loss you feel, but please know I think of you often and remember Baby Will and his valiant fight always. He was indeed a special and very loved little boy and will be forever in all our hearts.

Many people say God doesn't give us more than we can handle. I doubt that. Instead I find comfort in the well known poem, "Footprints in the Sand."

-"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."-

I find great comfort in knowing that when God does give me more than I can handle, I can give it over to God and He will carry me. May God carry you through your darkest times and lift you up with His love.


Liz and Shane Nelson said...

Your letter to Will is beautiful. We were so touched by Will and will always remember him. You are in our thoughts and prayers.

Liz and Shane

Megan Larson said...

Heather and Matt,

Your post is beautiful and so very meaningful, as is your letter of love to your son. You both are such an inspiration and so strong. What you've said is so true, that you can't really be normal after what you have been through. I am glad God has given you peace with that, although it must be that some days it doesn't feel like it. I'm glad you're taking some time off, Heather. That is so great and I'm glad you're taking care of yourself. Your family is in my prayers...we would love to have dinner with you sometime, I wish we lived closer! Want to come up for the Iditarod?? :) It's in March... ;)


Megan, Nik, and baby John Michael in Alaska

Fer said...

Your letter to Will is lovly, I have tears in my eyes as I read it. Keeping you in my prayers.

Mom to Juan Pablo RCDH

Brian and Cassi Reed said...

I could'nt find your email so I hope you get this. Cassi and I are thinking of and praying for you today. I wish we (our angels) were linked in another way. Just know espically on this day we are thinking of and remembering the battles of angel Will and Elli. Our love and sympathy are still with you and your family.

Love, Brian Cassi and angel Elli

proudmom said...

Happy Birthday Angel Will. You are never forgotten.
I hope you give mommy and daddy a sign that you are celebrating your special day in Heaven.

God Bless ALL the CDH babies/families.